I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
