Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
