You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
