Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
