i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
