is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
