im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
