he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
