Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
