hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
