people are starting to question the shark bite story
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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