I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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