He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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