Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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