i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
