I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
