I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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