this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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