Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
