Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
