Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
