we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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