The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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