Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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