Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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