There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
