Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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