You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
