he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
