Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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