i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
