He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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