one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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