Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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