seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
