So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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