i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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