all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
