hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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