I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
