Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
