I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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