I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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