is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
