I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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