so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
