Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
