you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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