you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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