how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
