I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
