I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
