If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wow bdsm is so cute
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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