omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
