Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
