man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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