Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
