he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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