Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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