Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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