how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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