the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
