The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
