I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
