I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
