Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
