woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
