So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
