No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
