I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
