Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
