We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
