Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
