i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
