That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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