I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
