(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
